I arrived home last night, just after 6.30pm, to find my 80 year-old neighbour from upstairs loitering on the front stoop of our building with one of her friends. As I got nearer I could see that my neighbour was struggling with the lock as her friend, of a similar vintage, sat on the step with her head in her hands. They were giggling and stumbling and I quickly realised that they were pissed.
As farts.
As I helped them inside I was assaulted figuratively by the smell of liquor and literally by my elderly neighbour, a great grandmother, who took it upon herself to slap me around simply because I had the nerve to accuse her of being a boozehag. When I inquired as to what the lovely ladies had been up to I was told "We've been out to lunch!". Naturally I commented on the length of the lunch (it was after 6.30... in the evening!), to which my neighbour responded "It was a nice lunch." Must have been. I hope I'm having as much fun when I'm 80.
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